Hello, Dear Readers. It has been quite a while since I have made an entry on this blog. Life has intervened in some strange and wonderful ways. As Bob Dylan famously sang, "The Times They Are A-Changin." All of these changes both in my personal life and in the world around me have caused me to stop and consider a very fundamental question; Who am I?
As I ponder, I realize that there are many answers (no, I do not have Multiple Personality Disorder, hear me out). There is no one me. There are as many different Charnas as the people who know me, the groups I am a part of and the activities I engage in. I started to say that my family knows a particular me, but then I realized that even that is too general a statement. The Charna that my husband knows is different than the Mom that my children know. Even my son and daughter know a different me, partially because my relationship with each is unique and partially since my son has lived apart from us for almost 8 years while my daughter has been here sharing my life more directly.
The people at work are only beginning to know me and the person I am there is a carefully calibrated version of my self. I don't mean for this to sound calculating or manipulative, but for various reasons I only show certain aspects of who I am. Partially, it is because I am still getting to know people; figuring out who I can relate to and gauging how they are reacting to me. Also, given that I work in an environment that expects a certain decorum (the family court system) I am somewhat circumspect about expressing particular ideas. I don't believe this is being a phony, but a prudent measure in a new and different situation. I have already begun to peel back the layers with a few people and time will tell how comfortable I am revealing more.
I engage in a variety of social environments. I am a member of a temple in which I teach Religious School, serve on various committees, and participate in a Torah study group among many other things. I am a politically active Republican who has worked on campaigns, attended multiple conventions (including the National Convention last year) and has lobbied for an against issues I am passionate about. I am friends with an eclectic group of people with whom I enjoy a wide range of actvities. I have developed a number of wonderful friendships through social media. Although I haven't met the majority of these people in person, we have shared parts of ourselves in ways that are easier and more engaged than with some of the people we see on a regular basis.
So who am I? In many ways I am a relection of the people and environments that I surround myself with. For each there is a little different Charna. Always (well, most of the time) real, but only part of the picture. When I am alone...I'm still figuring that part out. Stay tuned.
