D'var Torah - July 26, 2013

I lead services at our temple this evening. As part of that honor I got to give a short talk inspired by this week's Torah portion - a D'var Torah. This is what I said:

Good evening and welcome. For those of you who have not already figured this out, I am not Rabbi Mecklenberger. You have unfortunately stumbled into one of the lay services conducted during his absence. And now because of that, I get to share, what I promise will be a relatively short, reflection on this week's Torah portion.

Both of tonight's readings talk about children. Why are children so important? There are many reasons. As some of you know, I have gotten into the habit of posting quotes that interest me on Facebook as part of what I call Good Night messages. During the past week I have been posting quotes about children in honor of the arrival of the new royal baby. Two quotes in particular really moved me. The first is anonymous. It is: "Children are the living messages we send to a time we will never see." One of the reading selections before the Mourner's Kaddish in our prayer book picks up this theme: "We see no more, we are no more seen; yet we do not despair. For we are more than a memory slowly fading into the darkness. With our lives we give life. Something of us never dies..."

Our children are our contribution to the future. We hope they will carry on our values, our heritage and our traditions - that they will keep the spark of what we were alive into the future. The extensive coverage of the birth of the new prince talks about him possibly being king into the 22nd century. Although most of us will not know our descendants that far into the future, it is comforting to know that we will be represented there. I truly believe that the Jewish people will be carried into the future if we do our jobs as parents and a community now.

On a similar note, another thought that moved me comes from  Henry David Thoreau. It is:"Every child begins the world again." Part of our obligation as Jews is "Tikkun Olam" - repairing the world. But this is not a job that can be done in one generation. We pass the torch to our children and grandchildren, hoping they will contribute to making the world a better place just as we strive to make it a better place for them.

There is another aspect of the arrival of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge's son that has Jewish significance. Specifically the way in which we name our children. Much attention has been paid to the names this child has been given and the connections they have to previous members of their family. Just like in our tradition, this little boy has been blessed with names that honor and remember relatives who were important to his parents. On a personal note, Dan and I named our son for his grandfather and great-uncle and our daughter for my grandmother and mother, people whom we loved, respected and admired. In bestowing these names on our children, we hope they will be imbued with the characteristics of their namesakes and keep their memory alive. Although while our people were slaves in Egypt they adopted many of the local customs, Tradition states that one of the reasons G-d still remembered them was that they kept their Jewish names. We should be wary of losing that special connection with our heritage.

Some people, especially here in America, have criticized the almost wall-to-wall coverage of the birth of this one child. To me, and I think to many others, it has been a welcome break from the negative and unpleasant stories that have dominated the news as of late. It is also a reminder of how wonderful it is to welcome a new child into the world and the blessings that come with it. And so I conclude with this familiar phrase:

"L'dor vador nagid godlecha - From generation to generation, we will tell of Your greatness."

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall...

Hello, Dear Readers. It has been quite a while since I have made an entry on this blog. Life has intervened in some strange and wonderful ways. As Bob Dylan famously sang, "The Times They Are A-Changin." All of these changes both in my personal life and in the world around me have caused me to stop and consider a very fundamental question; Who am I?

As I ponder, I realize that there are many answers (no, I do not have Multiple Personality Disorder, hear me out). There is no one me. There are as many different Charnas as the people who know me, the groups I am a part of and the activities I engage in. I started to say that my family knows a particular me, but then I realized that even that is too general a statement. The Charna that my husband knows is different than the Mom that my children know. Even my son and daughter know a different me, partially because my relationship with each is unique and partially since my son has lived apart from us for almost 8 years while my daughter has been here sharing my life more directly.

The people at work are only beginning to know me and the person I am there is a carefully calibrated version of my self. I don't mean for this to sound calculating or manipulative, but for various reasons I only show certain aspects of who I am. Partially, it is because I am still getting to know people; figuring out who I can relate to and gauging how they are reacting to me. Also, given that I work in an environment that expects a certain decorum  (the family court system) I am somewhat circumspect about expressing particular ideas. I don't believe this is being a phony, but a prudent measure in a new and different situation. I have already begun to peel back the layers with a few people and time will tell how comfortable I am revealing more.

I engage in a variety of social environments. I am a member of a temple in which I teach Religious School, serve on various committees, and participate in a Torah study group among many other things. I am a politically active Republican who has worked on campaigns, attended multiple conventions (including the National Convention last year) and has lobbied for an against issues I am passionate about. I am friends with an eclectic group of people with whom I enjoy a wide range of actvities. I have developed a number of wonderful friendships through social media. Although I haven't met the majority of these people in person, we have shared parts of ourselves in ways that are easier and more engaged than with some of the people we see on a regular basis.

So who am I? In many ways I am a relection of the people and environments that I surround myself with. For each there is a little different Charna. Always (well, most of the time) real, but only part of the picture. When I am alone...I'm still figuring that part out. Stay tuned.

Soul Food (Part 1)

SOUL FOOD (Part 1)


"Food, like a loving touch or a glimpse of divine power, has that ability to comfort."

As I was preparing a pot of home-made chicken soup for my ill husband, I got to thinking about the role food plays in our lives. Food serves many functions. At the most basic level, it provides the fuel our bodies need to function. On another level, there is the physical, often sensual, pleasure of eating. The tastes, textures and smells of food can delight the senses. Food also gives us a sense of connection to those around us and to our cultural roots. And lastly, food has a deep emotional component. From "comfort food" to the satisfaction of providing a meal to those you love, cooking and eating is always a subjective, personal experience.

But I believe we take food for granted. When we sit down at the dinner table, order something through the drive-through window or pick up items at the grocery store, we do it without really considering what it took to satisy our needs. When you enjoy a salad, sink your teeth into a hamburger or munch on a bag of potato chips do you ever stop and think about the farmer who created the raw ingredients, the laborers who picked the crops or cared for the animals, the workers in the factory, the transportation workers who moved it or the grocery store employees, restaurant staff or family member who provided it to you?

Also, how often do you eat mindlessly? How often do you notice that half the food on your plate is gone and you don't even remember eating it?  In an exercize on mindfulness I was instructed to completely chew the bite I had in my mouth before taking another. I was amazed by what an act of will it was. Without even noticing it, I was in the habit of putting another bite of food in my mouth before the previous one was finished. Most people do the same thing.

Besides sexual behavior, cooking and eating are probably the subject most often regulated by religion. There are rules for what you can eat, when you can eat it, how you are supposed to prepare it, etc.. Why is this? I believe it is because of the important role food plays in our lives. It is easy to just mechanically put food in your mouth, chew and swallow without really thinking about it. Creating rules and rituals around food makes us stop and think.

So how can we get more joy out of our food? Here are a few suggestions: 1) Try the mindfulness exercize. Not only will you eat more slowly which helps you eat less, but you will actually taste the food you're eating. 2) Don't eat while doing something else like reading, watching television, going online, etc.. When you can, make your meal the focus of your attention. 3) Share the eating experience with others. Have family dinner time. The communal aspect of sharing a meal holds great social and emotional value. 4) If it fits with your view of religion, say a blessing before you eat. Thanking G-d for his bounty reminds us to be grateful for what we have.

And above all, enjoy!

Moving Forward

Moving Forward

As I stated on a recent Facebook post, the beginning of a new year is a time for both reflection on the past and looking forward to the future. This holds true in many aspects of our lives. However focusing on the past too much can be a barrier to moving forward. I believe that we should look to the past to derive those lessons that will help us improve our lives. We can also add those special events of the past year to our store of memories. But then it is time to move on.

Letting go of the past is composed of many factors. One of the most important is forgiveness. Before we can forgive anyone else, we must be able to forgive ourselves. We all make mistakes. We all miss the mark. But at some point we must acknowledge our own humanity, which includes fallibility and weakness, and go forward. It is hubris and a lack of humility to expect perfection. In fact, the reach for perfection (which I believe is unattainable)  can actually be detrimental to our peace of mind and ability to succeed. One of my favorite sayings is, "The perfect is the enemy of the good."

We must also be willing to forgive others. Just as we recognize our own tendency to make mistakes, we must acknowledge the same tendency in others. Those around us also fall short of perfection. They cause us pain both intentionally and unintentionally.They let us down. They anger and disappoint us. Waiting for an acknowledgement of these acts and an apology for them only gives them power over us. Ruminating on how we have been wronged by others and holding grudges only takes up room in our heads that we need for other more positive things.

Forgiving is not the same thing as forgetting. Forgiving means letting go of expectations and resentments. Dropping the emotional baggage. Letting go of the pain and hurt feelings. Remembering is a more intellectual exercise. It mean  looking at these events and people with an eye toward improving the situation if you can and walking away if you cannot. It gives you perspective.

Several events over the past few days have caused me to focus on this issue with particular intensity. Circumstances have combined to remind me of the limits that exist in affecting the behavior of the people around me. They have given me a fresh lesson in acceptance..

So I am amending my New Year's resolutions. I originally said that my resolution was simply to be a better me in 2013. To do what I can to be a better person. But I am adding something else for my own well-being. I will stop looking over my shoulder to dwell on what is behind me. I will put down the emotional baggage. I will recognize that the only person I have control over is myself.

I will move forward.