The Holiday Miracle

It's that time of year again, the Holiday Season. For me,  it begins at Thanksgiving and ends on New Year's Day. In between, my main holiday is Chanukah, but I also participate in a variety of other holiday celebrations. Four years ago, I titled my blog entry about this time of year "An Outsider Looking In." I'm glad to say that my feelings have changed. The question is why.

Very little has changed on the outside. Stores, restauraunts, houses, cars, cats and dogs are all still covered in Christmas decorations. Christmas Muzak still forms the soundtrack wherever I go. The malls are a combat zone. It is difficult to find entertainment options outside of the movie theater that do not involve Santa, reindeer or nutcrackers. Finding Chanukah merchandise in the stores is still more the nature of a scavenger hunt than a shopping excursion. And if I am asked one more time why I don't have a tree at home...well let's just say that I would be on the Naughty List. However, I have come to realize that much of what has annoyed me in the past about this season is really superficial.

Last year, I posted on Facebook complaining that some houses in my neighborhood had put their lights up before Thanksgiving. (I know, the horror!) It was hard enough seeing Christmas stuff in the stores immediately after Labor Day, but this was just too much. Why did I feel this way? For me, it was having to face this difficult time of year even earlier than I thought necessary. Why difficult? Because it emphasized to me that I am an outsider in this culture. Or at least that's how I have felt in the past.

Much of my attitude change regarding this season can be attribted to the influence of my friends. They have helped me see things in a different light (literally in some cases) and have helped me feel both less excluded and more included. Most of this has happened in the last year or two. You might ask what has changed in this period. I think there are two factors. My circle of friends both in personal relationships and through social media has expanded and I have been more open about my feelings and let people know when I was feeling uncomfortable. This wider circle of friends has added new perspectives and being more open about what bothered me about this time of year has resulted in others making an effort to make me feel more comfortable.

The situation with the lights is a good example. In response to my post, a Dear Friend said something that made me look at the decorations in an entirely different way. Most cultures have a proverb that talks about the role of light in dispelling darkness. My friend explained to me that that was how she viewed Christmas lights. At a time of year when the days are shorter, darker and colder, these decorations help to brighten the world around us. That totally changed my perspective. Now as I drive down the street, rather than being annoyed by the display of symbols for a holiday not my own, I just enjoy the light. I can enjoy the display as a thing of beauty without worrying about the content or purpose. It's just pretty.

I have never been shy about my Judaism. Unlike some others I have met, I have never felt the need to hide it. Growing up in the Boston area, I was exposed to my friends' traditions and them to mine. I helped decorate many a Christmas tree and they learned to play dreidel and eat latkes. We attended each others houses of worship and mostly learned to understand and tolerate each others beliefs. Texas is (or was) different. Before my Texan friends get mad at me, let me explain. If you didn't grow up in one of the urban areas of Texas, the odds were that you may not have had any experience with Jews. This creates a gap of knowledge and understanding. Even now, when someone finds out that I am Jewish, there can be a bit of awkwardness. Not any hostility, just not knowing exactly what that means and feeling uncomfortable asking. That has begun to change and it is another reason that I have become more comfortable with the Holiday Season.

Perhaps because of my being "out there" about my Judaism, or the fact that there is actually Chanukah merchandise in the stores and Chanukah themes included in advertising, or just a sincere effort to learn; I find that people are much more willing to ask me about my traditions. I consider this a privilege. I am quick to explain that there is no single, "official," answer to most questions in Judaism, but I am happy to explain what I believe. This has resulted in greater awareness and understanding. An elected representative recently told me that he appreciated something that my husband had explained to him. He admitted that he had never even thought about it and learning how his behavior was perceived had opened his eyes and caused him to make a change. Another elected official now includes Chanukah decorations with the Christmas tree in his public offices. That's what I call progress.

This evening I will be attending a Christmas party for an organization that I belong to. Last year this event occurred during Chanukah. The president of the club asked me to bring my menorah, to light the candles and say the blessings and explain a little about the holiday. I did so and I was warmed by how many people that evening and afterwards came and told me how much they enjoyed the experience and learning about our holiday. Although Chanukah does not begin until Christmas Eve this year, I have again been asked to bring the menorah and tell the story. (I won't actually light the candles or say the blessings.) I am flattered and encouraged by this. It is both a sign of interest in traditions outside your own and a sign of acceptance.
So, I am more in sync with the Holiday Season this year. I am enjoying the decorations, the parties and the general good cheer. I still get tired of the music, but you can't have everything. Whatever you celebrate, however you celebrate, I hope this season brings you joy and peace. Chag Sameach.

WHAT CAN, OR SHOULD, WE TOLERATE?

Over thirty years ago, I saw a message on the outdoor sign of a local church stating "Broad-minded tolerance is peaceful co-existence with evil." It has stayed with me all these years. I have always viewed this as an incredibly intolerant statement and have quoted it as evidence of the dogmatic and narrow view some people have about ideas that are different from their own. But recent events have caused me to re-evaluate my position.

We have just finished a particularly brutal and unpleasant political campaign season. The candidates and their surrogates have lowered themselves to some of the worst forms of invective and ad hominem arguments that we have ever experienced. It has been ugly and it was an embarrasment in front of the rest of the world. And to use a somewhat trite phrase, it has trickled down to the common discourse. I have seen some incredibly nasty and uncalled-for comments on Facebook. The tenor of the discussions (I use the term loosely) has been poisonous. Friendships have ended and others have been severely damaged. Family members are no longer speaking to each other and holiday plans have changed as a result.

I have always considered myself a tolerant person. I try to keep an open mind. My family and friends are an eclectic group whose political views run the gamut from right to left and everywhere in between. In the vast majority of cases, I believe that even those whose ideas are completely different than mine have the best interests of our society at heart. I can have a discussion with someone I disagree with while remaining civil and without the need to convince them that my ideas are correct. I can accept that other viewpoints than my own can also be valid. I was about to write "equally valid" and I had to stop myself. There is the rub. Not all points of view are equally valid.

This election has brought out some very regressive ideas.  Racism, sexism, anti-Semitism, homophobia and other forms of bigotry have reared their ugly heads. The Trump campaign did not cause these feelings, but its rhetoric did give at least tacit permission for their expression. In some ways we should be grateful. It has brought all of this hate out in the open. Many people thought that our society had moved past these "isms," that we had become more advanced and enlightened. Unfortunately this is not so and if that is the case it is best that we are aware of it.

This brings me back to my original thought. I now have to revise my opinion of the statement on that church marquee. I believe in tolerance. I believe in respecting other people's beliefs and ideas even when they differ from my own. But I recognize that there must be a limit to tolerance. Some ideas cannot and should not be tolerated. Not only must they not be tolerated, we must take action to prevent them from taking root and controlling the policies and actions of the incoming administration. You and I may disagree as to what that action should be, but let us not sit idly by under the rubric of tolerance and let our country be warped by those who espouse these ideas.

So for my personal credo I modify the above statement as follows:

"Unlimited, unconditional tolerance is peaceful co-existence with evil."

I Am Still Me

Good Morning, Dear Friends. I kept my posts non-political all day yesterday and I think it was good for all of us. But I feel compelled this morning to respond to something that I have seen over and over in the last couple of days. I will quote from a FB meme that I keep seeing. "Its not just about Trump for me. What scares me is knowing that I live in a country where the majority is OK with racism, sexism, homophobia, xenophobia and sexual assault." Horsehockey!!!  Let me be a one-woman truth squad and clear up a few things.

1. Yes, it appears that Hillary did win the popular vote, But according to the most recent vote totals (and these are subject to change) she only received 202,340 more votes out of a total of 119,425,696 votes cast. If you do the math the vote comes out Clinton 50.08% Trump 49.92 % for a difference of .16%. This is neither a vindication that "most people in the country support Hillary and her ideas" or that "Donald Trump has won a sweeping mandate." It shows again that we are a country that is deeply divided politically. There is no overwhelming majority for anything.

2. Now to the idea that all Trump voters believe in the things stated above. The vote for any party's presidential candidate is not monolithic. Not everyone who voted for Hillary were big fans. Some are true believers and really wanted to see her as President. Some were reluctant Benie supporters who were convinced that it was important to put aside the primary and vote for the party's candidate. And some simply saw her as the lesser of two evils. Well, the vote for Trump was equally complex. Again some are true believers. Many supported one of the other 16 Republican contenders and voted (as one Dear Friend put it) for the platform not the person. And again some saw him as the lesser of two evils. So to say that all Hillary or Trump voters believe any one thing is an absurd simplification.

3. In regards to the specific concerns about racism, sexism, etc. the answer is also complicated. Undoubtedly, some of the people who voted for Trump exhibit some appalling prejudices and attitudes. There are racists, chauvinists, white supremacists, homophobes and Anti-Semites among his supporters and I find them (yes, I am using the word) deplorable. But thay are by no means a majority. I am a Republican. Before you ask, whom I voted for is my business and is not relevant to this discussion. The other Republicans that I interact with on a regular basis are generally public-spirited, G-d-fearing individuals who truly believe that what they are doing is in the best interest of our country. We don't agree on everything. We never will. But (just using my own specific demographics) I feel no animosity toward myself either as a woman or a Jew. So stop demonizing those who voted differently than you did.

4. This election has brought to the surface many feelings that  have been submerged. They didn't just show up because Trump ran for President. He didn't cause them. Not all of them are pretty. But they are real and need to be dealt with. But let's not get carried away. This is not the end of our Republic. There will be no public lynchings. Sexual assault will not become acceptable. I understand there is fear out there. But let's keep in in perspective.

5. The best idea I've seen in the last couple of days is the "Shabbat Dinner" approach. The story in a nutshell is that a young white supremacist was moved to change his views by being invited to join a group of Orthodox Jewish students for their Shabbat dinner group. They talked. They got to know each other. They got to see each other as individuals, not ideologies. So reach out. Talk. Debate. Another Dear Friend posted yesterday asking her FB friends to explain why they voted for Trump so she could try to understand. For those of you who are local, I would be proud to host a dinner to bring together some Trump and Hillary voters  to begin the dialogue.
Well, there it is. I hope you read it all the way through and I hope it has a positive effect. I am just one person. But that is the point. I am not part of some monolithic "other." I am an individual with a wide range of beliefs and attitudes. I don't fit in any one box. And I don't think any of you, my Dear Friends, do either.