Moving Forward

Moving Forward

As I stated on a recent Facebook post, the beginning of a new year is a time for both reflection on the past and looking forward to the future. This holds true in many aspects of our lives. However focusing on the past too much can be a barrier to moving forward. I believe that we should look to the past to derive those lessons that will help us improve our lives. We can also add those special events of the past year to our store of memories. But then it is time to move on.

Letting go of the past is composed of many factors. One of the most important is forgiveness. Before we can forgive anyone else, we must be able to forgive ourselves. We all make mistakes. We all miss the mark. But at some point we must acknowledge our own humanity, which includes fallibility and weakness, and go forward. It is hubris and a lack of humility to expect perfection. In fact, the reach for perfection (which I believe is unattainable)  can actually be detrimental to our peace of mind and ability to succeed. One of my favorite sayings is, "The perfect is the enemy of the good."

We must also be willing to forgive others. Just as we recognize our own tendency to make mistakes, we must acknowledge the same tendency in others. Those around us also fall short of perfection. They cause us pain both intentionally and unintentionally.They let us down. They anger and disappoint us. Waiting for an acknowledgement of these acts and an apology for them only gives them power over us. Ruminating on how we have been wronged by others and holding grudges only takes up room in our heads that we need for other more positive things.

Forgiving is not the same thing as forgetting. Forgiving means letting go of expectations and resentments. Dropping the emotional baggage. Letting go of the pain and hurt feelings. Remembering is a more intellectual exercise. It mean  looking at these events and people with an eye toward improving the situation if you can and walking away if you cannot. It gives you perspective.

Several events over the past few days have caused me to focus on this issue with particular intensity. Circumstances have combined to remind me of the limits that exist in affecting the behavior of the people around me. They have given me a fresh lesson in acceptance..

So I am amending my New Year's resolutions. I originally said that my resolution was simply to be a better me in 2013. To do what I can to be a better person. But I am adding something else for my own well-being. I will stop looking over my shoulder to dwell on what is behind me. I will put down the emotional baggage. I will recognize that the only person I have control over is myself.

I will move forward.