Very little has changed on the outside. Stores, restauraunts, houses, cars, cats and dogs are all still covered in Christmas decorations. Christmas Muzak still forms the soundtrack wherever I go. The malls are a combat zone. It is difficult to find entertainment options outside of the movie theater that do not involve Santa, reindeer or nutcrackers. Finding Chanukah merchandise in the stores is still more the nature of a scavenger hunt than a shopping excursion. And if I am asked one more time why I don't have a tree at home...well let's just say that I would be on the Naughty List. However, I have come to realize that much of what has annoyed me in the past about this season is really superficial.
Last year, I posted on Facebook complaining that some houses in my neighborhood had put their lights up before Thanksgiving. (I know, the horror!) It was hard enough seeing Christmas stuff in the stores immediately after Labor Day, but this was just too much. Why did I feel this way? For me, it was having to face this difficult time of year even earlier than I thought necessary. Why difficult? Because it emphasized to me that I am an outsider in this culture. Or at least that's how I have felt in the past.
Much of my attitude change regarding this season can be attribted to the influence of my friends. They have helped me see things in a different light (literally in some cases) and have helped me feel both less excluded and more included. Most of this has happened in the last year or two. You might ask what has changed in this period. I think there are two factors. My circle of friends both in personal relationships and through social media has expanded and I have been more open about my feelings and let people know when I was feeling uncomfortable. This wider circle of friends has added new perspectives and being more open about what bothered me about this time of year has resulted in others making an effort to make me feel more comfortable.
The situation with the lights is a good example. In response to my post, a Dear Friend said something that made me look at the decorations in an entirely different way. Most cultures have a proverb that talks about the role of light in dispelling darkness. My friend explained to me that that was how she viewed Christmas lights. At a time of year when the days are shorter, darker and colder, these decorations help to brighten the world around us. That totally changed my perspective. Now as I drive down the street, rather than being annoyed by the display of symbols for a holiday not my own, I just enjoy the light. I can enjoy the display as a thing of beauty without worrying about the content or purpose. It's just pretty.
I have never been shy about my Judaism. Unlike some others I have met, I have never felt the need to hide it. Growing up in the Boston area, I was exposed to my friends' traditions and them to mine. I helped decorate many a Christmas tree and they learned to play dreidel and eat latkes. We attended each others houses of worship and mostly learned to understand and tolerate each others beliefs. Texas is (or was) different. Before my Texan friends get mad at me, let me explain. If you didn't grow up in one of the urban areas of Texas, the odds were that you may not have had any experience with Jews. This creates a gap of knowledge and understanding. Even now, when someone finds out that I am Jewish, there can be a bit of awkwardness. Not any hostility, just not knowing exactly what that means and feeling uncomfortable asking. That has begun to change and it is another reason that I have become more comfortable with the Holiday Season.
Perhaps because of my being "out there" about my Judaism, or the fact that there is actually Chanukah merchandise in the stores and Chanukah themes included in advertising, or just a sincere effort to learn; I find that people are much more willing to ask me about my traditions. I consider this a privilege. I am quick to explain that there is no single, "official," answer to most questions in Judaism, but I am happy to explain what I believe. This has resulted in greater awareness and understanding. An elected representative recently told me that he appreciated something that my husband had explained to him. He admitted that he had never even thought about it and learning how his behavior was perceived had opened his eyes and caused him to make a change. Another elected official now includes Chanukah decorations with the Christmas tree in his public offices. That's what I call progress.
This evening I will be attending a Christmas party for an organization that I belong to. Last year this event occurred during Chanukah. The president of the club asked me to bring my menorah, to light the candles and say the blessings and explain a little about the holiday. I did so and I was warmed by how many people that evening and afterwards came and told me how much they enjoyed the experience and learning about our holiday. Although Chanukah does not begin until Christmas Eve this year, I have again been asked to bring the menorah and tell the story. (I won't actually light the candles or say the blessings.) I am flattered and encouraged by this. It is both a sign of interest in traditions outside your own and a sign of acceptance.
So, I am more in sync with the Holiday Season this year. I am enjoying the decorations, the parties and the general good cheer. I still get tired of the music, but you can't have everything. Whatever you celebrate, however you celebrate, I hope this season brings you joy and peace. Chag Sameach.
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